


Our Private Traps

by theboardwalkbody



Category: Preacher (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emily survives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-18 12:57:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10617366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theboardwalkbody/pseuds/theboardwalkbody
Summary: That day she sacrificed Miles to Cassidy’s hunger was the day that changed her forever. Surviving the destruction of Annville, Emily ends up with Cassidy, Tulip, and Jesse, finding that maybe the crude Irish Vampire is what she really wants after all.





	

Emily stared at the TV screen, the black and white picture playing before her not really registering completely in her mind. She was thinking of too many things; of Miles, of Tulip, of whatever Cassidy was and how he was just down the hall from her and separated by only a thin door, and of Jesse – always of Jesse.

“I think that we're all in our private traps, clamped in them, and none of us can ever get out,” Norman Bates stated, the sound slightly clumsy from the recording equipment of the time.

The line struck something within her and echoed in her otherwise very preoccupied brain.

“Sometimes... we deliberately step into those traps.”  
“I was born into mine. I don't mind it anymore.”  
“Oh, but you should. You should mind it.”  
“Oh, I do... But I say I don't.”

She felt numb. The lines of dialogue causing an ache inside her. She suddenly felt disconnected from the world, unfocused and unattached, a tingling and light feeling filling her starting from her fingers and toes and slowly working to her core. She felt as though she would rise above the world and float out of it if she was still enough.

But she didn’t. She tensed and jumped slightly when another sound was added to the drone of movie playing on the TV near her; Cassidy was banging on the door down the hall.

“I’m hungry!” he yelled, “Please, I’m so hungry!”

She had never heard the Irishman’s voice sound so off. Normally he was brash, he was crass, he cursed too much, and he was, though she would hate to admit, charming. But now his voice was desperate, worried, and weak. He sounds pathetic, she thought. He wasn’t demanding someone bring him something to abate his hunger; he was begging.

Emily rose from her spot, the action making her slightly dizzy as her body seemed to be suddenly reminded of gravity, and when she regained her stability she slowly made her way toward the door at the end of the hall with a little hamster from one of the dozens of cages of various animals Tulip had acquired for the sole purpose of being fed to a man who was definitely not a man at all.

Halfway there her phone rang, the sudden noise making her jump again – how she hated always being afraid. She answered, but stayed quiet. It was Miles. Of course it was Miles. Lousy Miles who was never and could never be what she wanted but who never seemed to get the hint no matter how many times she told him she wasn’t interested. Maybe it was the one-night stands, maybe it was that she was still friends with him; whatever it was that kept him insisting on trying to be a more permanent part of her life only served to wear at her more and more.

This call was different, however. He wasn’t trying to sweet-talk his way into seeing her. He wasn’t trying to make excuses to see her by watching her kids or running some errands. He wasn’t even calling to profess his feelings and insist he just give him a chance as her boyfriend like he had tended to do from time to time. No, not this time. This time he was more assertive. Too assertive. He wasn’t suggesting or asking that he come over to her place for dinner. He wasn’t suggesting they would spend the night together in the romantic sense. He was flat out telling her. She had no say in the matter, he had decided that was what he wanted and he was finally going to have it. Emily knew this was the beginning of something bigger. If he did come over for dinner and whatever else he surely had in mind, if Emily didn’t put a stop to whatever megalomaniac trip he was suddenly on she knew it would only continue. He would take power over and control her entire life if she didn’t stop him before he ever got the chance.

The light and tingly feeling from before returned – her body felt like it was on autopilot and threatening a takeoff. It was brief, lasting only several seconds, and when the weight of her body returned to her she felt different. Heavier and lighter at the same time; different.

It was then she opened her mouth to plead with Miles’ to come and rescue her, when really she was the one who was rescuing herself.

\--------------------

She felt more awake after allowing Miles to stumble upon Cassidy in the ravenous state he was in. She felt like she was seeing the world differently, people differently, and later on that evening when Jesse showed up she felt differently toward him, too. She finally stopped pretending the world was a kind and decent place where as long as she simply believed in good then only good would be. There’s always been bad, she realized, and there always will be. If she said she felt her faith beginning to slip it would be an understatement. That was what hurt the most, she realized, and she decided that she would try to hold on to it – just a while longer. After all, she realized now the rumors about Jesse were most likely not just rumors. He wasn’t a saint, rather he was dripping with sins – and she was sure they were not the most forgivable ones. Still, she figured if he could hold his faith she would try her damnedest as well, but her faith in Jesse had completely disappeared.

“Your friend’s inside,” she told him without any particular sort of emotion. Whatever happened to him once he went inside was of no concern to her and so she left.

\---------------

When Jesse insisted he was going to bring God Himself to Annville she decided to remain cautiously optimistic. The worst that could happen is that Jesse proves himself to have gone completely off the deep end and she loses her ever-waning faith. The best that could happen is that, while she feels her life has made a complete 180 from before that day she spent with a hungry vampire in an old drunkards home, maybe at least she could save her faith and retain at least a fraction of her former life.

Apparently the universe had some other plans. God is missing. But at least angels exist, that much she saw. But it wasn’t enough for her. Who cares? Angels exist but so do vampires apparently and don’t forget God is missing so who the hell cares about anything else.

She felt hollow by the time she packed up her kids and headed home. Though, to be fair, the entire town felt hollow. She tried her best to give her kids some hope. She may have let go of her faith for the most part but she wasn’t so spiteful that she would ruin it for her children, not after spending their entire lives trying to dedicate them to it. They were scared, and she needed to reassure them.

Her words weren’t working, however. No matter how much she tried to reprogram her children into believing in the power of good even though God was missing it just wasn’t working. She tried to think of how she could prove to two very young and scared minds that it would all be alright.

“Tell you what,” she said to them, “if I got Father Jesse to tell you all about it would you feel better?”  
“Could he talk to the angels again? Could the angels tell him where God is?”  
“Yes, maybe. We’ll have to ask. Want me to go get him?”

Her children nodded.

“Then that’s what I’ll do,” Emily said.

It was hard to find a babysitter under such circumstance but she did manage to find one teenage boy who seemed to not mind the task.

“They say God is missing.” The kid said, apparently he hadn’t been at the church.  
“Yeah.” Emily confirmed.   
The kid laughed, “He was missing the entire time, you know. Much of shit, religion.”   
“Do me a favor, make sure my kids stay safe and unhurt and don’t you dare talk to them about any of this do you understand?” she asked. Never one for confrontation before she seemed to have decided confrontation was the only way to get what she needed. Just another thing she learned that day with the monster in the backroom.  
“Yeah, whatever.” The kid agreed and headed into the living room to sit with the two kids he now had the task of keeping alive.

Emily grabbed her purse and car keys and headed out. Annville, being thankfully small, did not take long to search. Un-thankfully, however, Jesse was nowhere to be found. Frustrated and angry from hoping she would have found him by now she stopped to think of where the Hell Jesse Custer and his band of Misfits could have gone to. It was then she remembered catching him say the word “fries” on his way out of the church. She’d already searched all the local dives but she knew the best fries came from a place a few miles outside of town. Pulling back onto the road she headed out of town.

 


End file.
